Best and worst places to get away with your nasty habits

On the way back from the library today on the tram, I was thinking of where the best and worst places would be for some nasty habits, us human can get away with. Don't ask me what got me thinking the topic..'cause I don't know either. Here's what I came up with:

Letting one rip, aka One man jazz band
Best Places..
1. On a friday night in a night club (no one can hear and smell it)
2. In a fertilizer factory, unless your friends can distinguish your smell from the smell of shit in general. This works particularly well for the silent fart.
3. In a swimming pool, as long as you let it go slowly as to avoid that bubble effect on the surface of the water. This is especially good for the wet fart because you're already wet.
Worst Places..
1. In a church or a temple, especially when monks are doing their meditations.
2. In the library. Unless you have mastered the silent fart, breaking wind out loud in the library can have a devastating effect on yourself and the others around you.
3. In the movies, unless you can time your fart with the loud bits on the film.

Burping
Best Places..
1. In a restaurant in China, as a sign of appreciation.
2. At Paris Hilton's concert, again, as a sign of appreciation.
3. At a party, as you and your friends race through the alphabet.
Worst Places..
1. In a packed public transport on a hot day.
2. When you're doing your wedding speech/eulogy on the mic.
3. In an exam. Just like the guy behind me on my Monday's exam, who kept distracting and torturing me with his sausagy burps.

Missing the target (probably most applicable for guys, and in extreme cases for girls)
Best Places..
1. In the toilet at a pub. Since it's already all over the place, might as well contribute.
2. In a bush. You can even set your own target.

Sneezing and spraying
Worst Places..
1. At a subway restaurant, when you're making your customer a sub.
2. On a date, just before your first kiss with him/her.
3. In china in 2003, during the SARS epidemic.

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Got a new book today; 'The Hypochondriac's Pocket Guide to Horrible Diseases You Probably Already Have'. Read through a bit of it in the library, and learnt some pretty interesting stuff from this lil book full of humour. Like, have you heard of this disease called 'SCLERODERMA'? Let me read to you about it..

SCLERODERMA

'You can buy the finest European Moisturizers. Rub yourself with freshly picked aloe. You can take bath in extra-virgin olive oil and pack your face with mud from the deadsea. You can inject pure royal jelly from the hives of South African bees directly into your pores, and it won't do you any good.'

'Scleroderma (skle''-ro-der'-mah) is a chronic autoimmune disease that causes hardening and tightening of the skin and its connective tissue... ... results from your body's immune system producing an excess of collagen in your body's tissues... ...in which your skin and organs slowly harden and you begin to resemble a human statue.'

-DiClaudio, 2006

Mm, that doesn't sound very fun. How about 'CAVERNOUS SINUS GRANULOMATOSIS', in which it constantly feels as though someone were driving a nail into your eyeball, or 'CONGENITAL ERYTHROPOIETIC PORPHYRIA' (a very painful sounding name), in which your skin blisters and burns when exposed to the sun. Sounds familiar?

Anyways, I shall have the pleasure of reading through the book once all my exams are over.

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*Big up to Spaceman Spiff for having sold his car, finally.